Matthias J Barker, YouTuber & Psychotherapist, defines people pleasing in a very raw way.

“People pleasing is… I’ve never felt truly seen, cared for, understood, So I give to others what I’ve never received in hopes that one day, someone will give it back.”

This may feel uncomfortable to hear, especially if you are a people pleaser.

Perhaps you give in hopes to be seen, in hopes that someone might reciprocate, or in fear that you if you didn’t, it might mean you’re not enough.

Some ways to address it:

1. Sit with the discomfort, but choose to Love yourself first.

2. If you want to give, give for your own reasons without expecting anything back.

3. Be with people who can reciprocate.

4. Care less what others think.

5. Care more about what you think.

Why love yourself first?

If you learn to love yourself honestly, you can come to know what genuine appreciation feels like. You raise your expectations because you become accustomed to what love feels, looks, and acts like because you get it from yourself. The way you treat yourself can raise the standard for what you hope to receive and what you will no longer tolerate.

Lastly a reminder

You are enough, even if you were to do nothing more. You are worthy of love.

My work

Yoojin Nam LMFT is the author of Thinking to Feel. He has been providing psychotherapy for 7 years and is licensed to practice in CA & TX.

Wondering if therapy might benefit you? E-mail [email protected] to schedule a free consultation.

Disclaimer: These posts are not a replacement for therapy. The information contained within is for educational purposes only and is not intended to be therapeutic advice.