What is a reframe?

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines reframe as “a process of reconceptualizing a problem by seeing it from a different perspective.”

You take something and see it as something else, but as an important caveat, the reframe must be true to one’s experience.

Story time

Last year, I started kickboxing. Despite some physical advantages, I am not that good. I became painfully aware of this last week when I sparred my coach, a former professional MMA fighter for the first time.

For the first 15 seconds, I felt good. I am taller, have longer reach, and I began with a leg kick to his calf and a jab to his stomach. In the next 4 min and 45 seconds, he proceeded to punch me 50 times (albeit not heavy, & his count not mine), and he took me to the ground three times.

One of my contacts dislodged. I felt disoriented, and the truth is I was completely beaten. Immediately afterwards, I felt pretty awful and even heard myself say, “Damn, I suck at this.” Some might argue, “Of course, you’re going against a former pro!”

But I felt down regardless, and it stuck with me for a while. Getting completely beaten up by another man will do that to you I think. At that point, I noticed two voices begin to emerge.

1st voice: “You stink, you’re never gonna get good at this.”

2nd voice: “You fought until the end. You took 50 punches, went down 3 times, and got back up each time.”

Looking objectively at both voices, I knew the 2nd voice spoke more truth. Despite losing, I got up each time. I could also argue with the first voice that although I’m still not good, I can get better over time.

I reframed “you suck” to “you never give up.” And if I continue to act on that latter voice, that becomes a part of my identity: someone who does not give up rather than someone who will never be good.

So, I gathered myself, and went back to the gym the next day. This action proves to myself, I am someone who doesn’t give up even though I’m not quite good, yet. Francis Ngannou, UFC champion, says it better below:

Some important caveats

1. It’s still important to sit with the hard feeling. Only by sitting through it was I able to move forward with a reframe that made sense to me.

2. Reframes themselves are encouraging, but actions support your beliefs.

3. And it’s okay to quit something. In this scenario, I wanted to keep going.

4. This sort of internal work can be very challenging. If you find yourself struggling with negative thoughts you struggle to overcome by yourself, it may be helpful to try therapy.

My work

Yoojin Nam LMFT is the author of Thinking to Feel. He has been providing psychotherapy for 7 years and is licensed to practice in CA & TX.

Could therapy benefit you? Request a 15-minute free consultation.

Disclaimer: These posts are not a replacement for therapy. The information contained within is for educational purposes only and is not intended to be therapeutic advice.